Child Celibate: Understanding Non-Offending Paedophilia
For the past year I have been in contact with people who admit to being sexually attracted to children - not through their own choice, but they have found it simply to be a part of themselves. Though each of them may have taken very different paths of self-discovery, what unifies them is the fact that they neither have nor ever wish to deviate into any form of sexual interaction with a minor. After a long process of gaining their trust, four of them eventually invited me to various parts of the United States to live with them and to tell their stories.
The greatest issue faced by these men and women is the fact that they have nowhere to turn. The stigma created by the label of paedophilia means today that thousands of people around the world must keep their attraction suppressed, creating overwhelming loneliness and depression. Those who have sought professional help to overcome their attraction face either rejection or the police: “I could have received therapy if my counsellor had not abandoned me without a referral.” Others end up finding comfort within the disillusioned philosophy of pro-contact forums: online chat groups that openly advocate and encourage sexual activity with minors: “They taught me that, yes, people do fall in love with children too, and that it's ok. This was very good to hear, but some other fucked up messages came along with it.”
My photographs raise numerous issues: from their discovery of, and coming to terms with their attraction; to the varying ways in which their attractions manifest themselves; the familial, professional and religious impacts of paedophilia; and their observations on how the public attitude towards paedophilia needs to change. The series challenges society's perception of what it means to have a sexual attraction to a minor and give these men and women the chance to be understood, while letting others who are still in hiding know that they are not alone.
Though the series is a good summary of the issue in of itself, it is only the first chapter of a project that I intend to photograph as it develops over the course of the coming decades. It took the gay pride movement sixty years of struggle to show the world that sexuality is not a choice- a paradigm which society now proudly embraces. Though non-offenders do not seek to normalise or advocate sexual practices with those to whom they are attracted, their pursuit of societal acceptance and support will only come, similarly, as a result of a gradual collective understanding of the true nature of their sexuality by the way of persistent coverage and discussion: something which I intend to undertake through my work.
Captions:
1. Gary (63), a regular contributor to the online support group, Virtuous Paedophiles (Virped), is sexually attracted to 6 to 12-year-old girls. As is the case with the vast majority of people who find themselves with the attraction, Gary has been aware it since around the age of twelve. “The forums are helpful in reducing the risk of acting on my urges, even though I don't consider myself at great risk. I came to an egosyntonic acceptance of my pedophilia without ever acting on it or being distressed by it.”
2. Gary’s home that he built himself ten years ago. Retired and living in a quiet town in Oregon, he is relatively comfortable with being open about his attraction to minors, proclaiming himself to be 'probably the most out paedophile in the world.' “I may be crazy for being so open about my paedophilia, but I have less to lose and nothing to hide. I am retired and have no children at home. I know there are vigilantes but I trust God to protect me.”
3. Over the course of his life, Gary has faced repeated trauma and prejudice as a result of his sexual orientation. ‘Being dismissed from Walden University based solely on my sexual orientation was certainly most traumatic. Being interrogated by the state police and banned from the only hospital in our county because of false allegations was certainly not fun. I was also abandoned by a counsellor without a referral in 1999. The counsellor freaked out when I came out to her and said, "I can't deal with that." She said she would not meet with me again.’
4. Stopping for gas on the way to pick up his wife, Tabitha from the airport on the 5-hour drive to Sacramento airport- “I always like to save a buck where I can.”
5. Gary is married to recently retired medical professional, Tabitha. Having been married for almost ten years, Gary came out to her as being sexually attracted to young girls four years ago. “My wife, sisters, children, other relatives, and many friends accept my attraction as long as I don't act on it. Only mental health professionals have mistreated me.”
6. Tabitha helping Gary with the running of his own paedophile support site, ASAPinternational.org. (The Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention) “As to how I reacted when I learned that Gary was sexually attracted to young girls, I believe it was a slow dawning rather than an in-the-face, shocking revelation. I believe him to be trustworthy and to have not done anything to be ashamed of. Not acting upon it might be like others who have secret sins or behaviours to which they have a propensity; but without the action, it becomes a non-starter.”
7. Gary opening up the church in preparation for an AA-styled course that he runs to help locals with problems such as addiction and depression. As a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Gary centres his life on religion. Last year he finished building this church himself with the help of his family, local community and other members of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
8. Gary sorting clothes at his local food pantry. As a member of the pantry’s committee, he and his wife help to organise the monthly distribution of food packages for the needy in his local community.
9. Gary in his home with Spunky, one of his two schnauzers.
10. Gary and Tabitha taking their two dogs, Jasmine and Spunky out for a walk. Despite the potential risks involved with being so open about his attraction, Tabitha supports Gary with his continued quest to seek equality and support for the non-offending paedophile community.
The greatest issue faced by these men and women is the fact that they have nowhere to turn. The stigma created by the label of paedophilia means today that thousands of people around the world must keep their attraction suppressed, creating overwhelming loneliness and depression. Those who have sought professional help to overcome their attraction face either rejection or the police: “I could have received therapy if my counsellor had not abandoned me without a referral.” Others end up finding comfort within the disillusioned philosophy of pro-contact forums: online chat groups that openly advocate and encourage sexual activity with minors: “They taught me that, yes, people do fall in love with children too, and that it's ok. This was very good to hear, but some other fucked up messages came along with it.”
My photographs raise numerous issues: from their discovery of, and coming to terms with their attraction; to the varying ways in which their attractions manifest themselves; the familial, professional and religious impacts of paedophilia; and their observations on how the public attitude towards paedophilia needs to change. The series challenges society's perception of what it means to have a sexual attraction to a minor and give these men and women the chance to be understood, while letting others who are still in hiding know that they are not alone.
Though the series is a good summary of the issue in of itself, it is only the first chapter of a project that I intend to photograph as it develops over the course of the coming decades. It took the gay pride movement sixty years of struggle to show the world that sexuality is not a choice- a paradigm which society now proudly embraces. Though non-offenders do not seek to normalise or advocate sexual practices with those to whom they are attracted, their pursuit of societal acceptance and support will only come, similarly, as a result of a gradual collective understanding of the true nature of their sexuality by the way of persistent coverage and discussion: something which I intend to undertake through my work.
Captions:
1. Gary (63), a regular contributor to the online support group, Virtuous Paedophiles (Virped), is sexually attracted to 6 to 12-year-old girls. As is the case with the vast majority of people who find themselves with the attraction, Gary has been aware it since around the age of twelve. “The forums are helpful in reducing the risk of acting on my urges, even though I don't consider myself at great risk. I came to an egosyntonic acceptance of my pedophilia without ever acting on it or being distressed by it.”
2. Gary’s home that he built himself ten years ago. Retired and living in a quiet town in Oregon, he is relatively comfortable with being open about his attraction to minors, proclaiming himself to be 'probably the most out paedophile in the world.' “I may be crazy for being so open about my paedophilia, but I have less to lose and nothing to hide. I am retired and have no children at home. I know there are vigilantes but I trust God to protect me.”
3. Over the course of his life, Gary has faced repeated trauma and prejudice as a result of his sexual orientation. ‘Being dismissed from Walden University based solely on my sexual orientation was certainly most traumatic. Being interrogated by the state police and banned from the only hospital in our county because of false allegations was certainly not fun. I was also abandoned by a counsellor without a referral in 1999. The counsellor freaked out when I came out to her and said, "I can't deal with that." She said she would not meet with me again.’
4. Stopping for gas on the way to pick up his wife, Tabitha from the airport on the 5-hour drive to Sacramento airport- “I always like to save a buck where I can.”
5. Gary is married to recently retired medical professional, Tabitha. Having been married for almost ten years, Gary came out to her as being sexually attracted to young girls four years ago. “My wife, sisters, children, other relatives, and many friends accept my attraction as long as I don't act on it. Only mental health professionals have mistreated me.”
6. Tabitha helping Gary with the running of his own paedophile support site, ASAPinternational.org. (The Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention) “As to how I reacted when I learned that Gary was sexually attracted to young girls, I believe it was a slow dawning rather than an in-the-face, shocking revelation. I believe him to be trustworthy and to have not done anything to be ashamed of. Not acting upon it might be like others who have secret sins or behaviours to which they have a propensity; but without the action, it becomes a non-starter.”
7. Gary opening up the church in preparation for an AA-styled course that he runs to help locals with problems such as addiction and depression. As a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Gary centres his life on religion. Last year he finished building this church himself with the help of his family, local community and other members of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
8. Gary sorting clothes at his local food pantry. As a member of the pantry’s committee, he and his wife help to organise the monthly distribution of food packages for the needy in his local community.
9. Gary in his home with Spunky, one of his two schnauzers.
10. Gary and Tabitha taking their two dogs, Jasmine and Spunky out for a walk. Despite the potential risks involved with being so open about his attraction, Tabitha supports Gary with his continued quest to seek equality and support for the non-offending paedophile community.
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